The Irony of Comparisons
“My childhood was tougher than yours”
“My parents were stricter than yours”
“My classes were more challenging than yours”
“My boss is worse”,
“My children…My husband…My friends…”
“My life is harder than yours!”
What type of statements are these? Have you ever heard those phrases, even if in a more subtle way? How did they make you feel? Did you gravitate towards that person or away from them?
These phrases are common patterns many fall into when seeing someone else’s life shine brighter than theirs. It is easy to compare our lives today to someone else’s and fall into discouragement because we are “not there yet.” But what kind of logic is that? Is life a race against other people? Are we even supposed to measure our lives based on them?
Comparing our lives to someone else's is so illogical, not only because there is no clear-cut way to measure “harder” or “easier” (People struggle in areas that are hidden from plain sight at times, and other times they might have overcome huge obstacles in their past to have the “easy” life they seem to have now). But also, because we are unique individuals, wired uniquely with a one-of-a-kind purpose that God placed in our paths, looking at someone else’s journey and stating, “Mine is harder” might be untrue. Even if it was true in some way, it would be the equivalent of saying “God is unfair” or that person is unworthy of the blessings they’ve received. At the very least, that is hurtful to others and, in reality, a selfish and entitled way of looking at life.
The apostle Paul states in 2 Corinthians 10:12-13 reasons why He did not measure his accomplishments based on a comparison with someone else.
“Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding. But we will not boast beyond limits, but will boast only with regard to the area of influence God assigned to us, to reach even to you.”
We are to measure ourselves only with the assignment and area of influence God has given us, always ensuring we are pleasing God.
I would be lying if I said I have never fallen into this wrong pattern of thinking, which is ultimately “self-pity.” I remember when I was finishing my MBA, living by faith and counting every penny (although God always provided for me above and beyond). I would observe some classmates with wealthy parents who would send them “shopping money” and help them with their expenses, and I remember feeling resentful. It was costing me a lot more effort and faith just to get the same exact Degree, it did not seem fair.
Looking back, I would not change that season for anything. I learned to lean on God, and as hard as it was at times, He never left me, even in the most Desperate Moments. The hardest times in my life have been, without a doubt, the most fruitful (as long as I held on to God). I would not trade that fruit for shopping money!
If we see someone do well, we should cheer them on instead of criticizing them. We don’t know how hard it was to get there; putting others down will never elevate us. We never know; God might be testing our attitudes.
Let’s strive to live in the center of God’s will, fixing our eyes on Him and comparing ourselves only to the assignment He has given us. That is the safest, most joyful, and most rewarding place to be!
